Women's Issues Nurturing Yourself

Nurturing yourself
How do we nurture ourselves in a world that calls for us to get over it, or just do it, or tells us everyday you should do this you should do that? As a woman I have been fighting to grab onto me for 20 years now. What do I mean by grabbing onto me? Learning to listen to me, my internal desires, the truth about what I really want to be doing instead of what I think I should be doing. I was born a placator and played that role very well for a good part of my life. I wanted to make the people in my life happy and so I conjured up all the ways I could do that. I spent years denying my own desires and eventually ended up becoming an alcoholic and food –addict, which took me down into the pits of hell. So what do I do today to nurture myself? I listen to myself and don’t argue with myself about what I need and how to get it. Today for example, I am not feeling well and I haven’t been feeling well emotionally for a few weeks. In the old days I would have been all over myself, berating myself, getting angry with myself and just making myself feel damn miserable. One of my beliefs used to be that you had to be productive everyday especially weekdays. After all my husband was going to work even if he didn’t feel good, people were being productive even if they didn’t feel good. I did that for years too. It doesn’t matter how you feel just get on with it. Now I know that realistically the more obligations you have the more you need to get it done even if you don’t want to. Today I know that I will do what needs to be done, and if I have an obligation I can’t get out of, I fulfill it. I take care of my kids even if it means getting a pizza for dinner instead of cooking a healthy meal. I get them to and from school and get them to their commitments. Today I don’t feel good. I had some things I needed to get done in the morning. I did those things and then got myself lunch on the way home. I gave myself the treat of not having to cook lunch for myself. I came home and had 3 hours to relax until pick up time at school. I relaxed on the couch, watched tv and took a rest in my bed. Then I got my kids and now I am on the couch again writing. When I was younger I didn’t always have the luxury of doing what I can do to relieve myself now, but during that time I learned what would give me a little lift during the day and I did it for myself. like going to get a special coffee, or getting something I wanted to eat for dinner. Then I might take a nice hot bath before bed, or put the kids to bed early with a book for them to read, so I could have some peace and quiet. I got babysitters so I could go out and see a movie or go to lunch with a friend. When my kids were really small I made sure they got their naps to give me time to do what I needed to do. If you are someone who is working on themselves to recapture the person you lost years ago to societal and family pressure and culture, you will have your hard days, just plan on it. You will be sad, mad and afraid. It is not easy to take yourself back to listen to your desires and then to put yourself before you parents or your husband or kids. The truth very simply put is no one but you will take care of you. People will get from you what they need as long as you are willing to give it.
The art of saying no
I remember a friend telling me that she had volunteered for a big role in a school